6. Flags

So, most flags are rectangles, as we know. Take, for example, the Fuckin’ American Flag. Let’s be real here. Every heart beats true for the red, white and blue. That sucker is a rectangle, and those colors don’t run. 

 

:we take the stars from heaven, the red from our mother country, separating it by white stripes, thus showing that we have separated from her, and the white stripes shall go down to posterity, representing our liberty.  -my man george washington:

:we take the stars from heaven, the red from our mother country, separating it by white stripes, thus showing that we have separated from her, and the white stripes shall go down to posterity, representing our liberty. -my man george washington:

 

 

And this is a great example of how flags should be. Rectangular, symbolic and beautiful.Take, for example, the Washington, DC flag.

 

:the flag of my true homeland:

:the flag of my true homeland:

 

 

These are my home colors, an expression of how my heart blows in the wind. This is a classy ass flag. No one fucks with DC, man. Someday we might even have a vote. 

But some people, some pathetic “individuals” wanting to be “unique” chose to make their flags not fit the accepted flag format. They diss the rectangle, guys, and I’m gonna call those bitches out.  

First, let’s stick with the good ol’ US of A. Everyone else made do with a rectangular flag. Easy to fold, easy to draw, easy to recreate. But one state wanted to stand out. And that state is: 

 

:apparently ohio has nothing else going for it:

:apparently ohio has nothing else going for it:

Ohio. Come on guys. Be a little bit patriotic. At least pretend that you are good, real Americans – no one wants a flag that doesn’t fit the mold, ok? How are your second graders gonna draw that shit on a piece of 8 1/2 by 11? Be a little bit considerate. Please. 

Ok. Now that we’ve addressed the fakers in the US, let’s talk international. Even nations that we don’t like manage to make their flags in a way we can deal with. For example, check out North Korea’s flag:

 

:more patriotic than ohio:

:more patriotic than ohio:

We hate those guys and they still cooperate. Even Kurdistan, which I’m not sure is even a country, has a rectangular flag. 

 

:this place might not even exist:

:this place might not even exist:

But one country, one cowardly little lame-ass country with something to prove, refuses to put their flag on the rectangular standard. 

 

:why? just why?:

:why? just why?:

Come on, Nepal. Man up. We all know that flags are rectangles. Maybe you would get more tourists if you had a more understandably shaped flag. The red, white and blue was a good copy-cat idea, but don’t get all eastern-indie on us with the shape. It’s just too complicated. My brain can’t take it, ok? 

So, please. Let’s all take a lesson from Grand Ole Flag and stick with the tried and true rectangle, ok? Some things just shouldn’t be fucked with.

May 14, 2009. Culture, Geography, Rectangles.

5 Comments

  1. Jenny replied:

    “Iraqi” Kurdistan is technically now an “autonomous entity” with Iraq. which is a country. The iraqi flag is also a square. I mean, a rectangle.

  2. Jenny replied:

    fascinating: http://www.crwflags.com/FOTW/FLAGS/xf-rati.html

  3. Eliza H. replied:

    Miss J – That site is really, really really cool.

  4. Aaron replied:

    That’s not Ohio’s flag. That’s a godless Obama flag, which he retconned into the union by means of socialist time travel.

    http://bit.ly/obamahioflag

  5. Daniel replied:

    I think part of the beauty of the American Flag is that the components are mostly rectangular as well as the flag itself. I mean, let’s break down the parts:
    1. The part the starts are held in.
    2. Each one of those red stripes.
    3. Each one of those white stripes.
    4. Combining any two rectangular stripes will inevitably result in the formation of a rectangle, or any three, or four. The possibilities are practically endless.

    Now, let’s just think about the confederate flag– while the flag is still a rectangle, they’ve foolishly divided it into triangles with diagonal, non-rectangular lines. I would posit, and I hope you’ll agree, that the failure of the southern confederacy was due in large part to their poor flag design and selection. THINK about it.

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