48. Board Games

Board games – so versatile, so much variety. From a rainy day distraction to a potential drinking game, board games sustain us in so many ways.

:quite the selection:

Unfortunately, I’m really bad at them. But it’s not my fault. When I was younger, I was forbidden by my family to play board games. Especially CandyLand. I got too competitive and ruined the experience for everyone. Allegedly.

:i loved this game. mom and dad didn't.:

So I was cast out of the world of Board Games, like the Jews cast out their sins on Yom Kippur.

:jews throwing bread in the water to cast out their sins. aka "tashlich.":

Eventually, I was let back in. This was in 5th grade, when my brother Sam, my nanny Erin and I started playing Clue. Somehow, I discovered a system (that I no longer remember) that meant that I won every time. Every. Time. I’d guess that my “secret system” probably involved cheating. But damn, that shit was fucking sweet.

:EVERY TIME, BITCHES:

Every. Time.

Finally, my freshman year of college, I got intimate with Scrabble. The boy I was dating at the time was one of those people who’s just good at games. Really, really good. At any kind of game. He just always won. Soon we learned that Scrabble was not helpful to our relationship. I was a sore loser and I’d quit the game and sulk.

:my tiles were always only vowels:

I mean, come on. He’d have 258 and I’d have  70? I had a right to be obnoxious. That was patently unfair.

:not me, but i was equally bratty:

And then I got my revenge through Scattergories. Turns out I’m really good at Scattergories. My brain is great at looking at the (rectangular) Scattergories cards and thinking of appropriate words to write down (on rectangular pads of paper). Actually, Scattergories became a relationship problem as well. Allegedly, I won a few too many times and rubbed it in. I can’t imagine this happening, but – fuck that, I’m sure I was a total bitch.

:finally! a game i'm good at:

In summation, I’ve pretty much quit the board game circuit. I’m a high-risk player and my friends know better than to play with me. But if anyone wants to challenge me to a nice game of Set – I mean, I’d be down…

:mebs this fella would play with me? he looks kinda lonely: